Be joyous, be beautiful be yourself. For you are joyous, you are beautiful, and you are free. Once you realize that, life becomes that little bit easier, and isn’t a little improvement at least better than none at all? Its easier than you think, let yourself go, take down those barriers of insecurity and influence and let your mind soar. Just watch where it takes you. You’ll be amazed, I promise.
Everything is beautiful. Everything is wonderful. Life has all fallen into place and I feel like I couldn’t be more content. I am in love with life and it’s glorious gifts and treasures. I feel like I have landed in the midst of pleasure, and happiness radiates from every inch of me. How glorious is life? How blissful to finally feel true happiness. It’s not simply small relief from other ugliness in my life, because right now all I can feel is joy and beauty. For the first time in my life I am completely content, and I sigh into bed tonight without a worry on my mind.
Its creeping up on me. Slowly, I can feel it’s breath on my neck. But I’m stronger this time. I’m ready to face it now. I’m ready to stand it down and fight. I’m ready.
I don’t know where my head is right now. It changes day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. But I’ve decided I don’t need to figure it out. I just need to go with it. Let my mind take me where I’m meant to go. It doesn’t matter what decision I make, in any circumstance there is going to be ups and downs. So I’m ready for my mind to take me on this roller coaster of emotions. I’ve spent to long trying to fight it and figure it out. It’s time to set my mind free of pressure to find an answer. Because I’ll find the answers not in my mind, but through my actions and the consequences they hold.
Last weekend me and my friend were house sitting for her sister right, and on monday her sister came home with her friends from their camping trip and we stuck around to hang out for a while. One of her friends found drawings that we’d done when we were really baked and they were of peace and love, and he looked at us and was like ‘fuck are you guys hippies?’ and we were like ‘yea man why not’ and he literally pulled out a lighter and tried to set my hair on fire screaming ‘BURN ALL HIPPIES BURN’ and I think it was the single scariest moment of my life. I don’t think I’ll ever recover. Ever.
I’d like to believe that things will work out. But as far as I can see, any direction I take I will be unhappy in one way or another. Why can’t I have just one thing in my life that isn’t complicated? I’m being torn in two directions, and either one I take I will lose something extremely important to me. I’m not sure where to go from here. And so I’ll simply have to wait it out. Let destiny take its course, and hope for the best.
I hate you. There it fucking is. I. Hate. You. You’ve fucked with me for far too long and now you leave me with no option. I know i said "I could never hate you" blah, blah, but you know what? If I can’t love you, hate is all I have. So you go and fucking move on, you lying hypocritical asshole. Fuck you. I owe you so much pain but I never gave it to you. Because I fucking loved you you cunt. I fucking loved you. But now here we are. My head is full of your bullshit excuses, your fucking apologies, your fake promises. Fuck you. You’ve killed the man I loved. You killed him. And I will forever hate you for that.
I fucking loved you you asshole. I fucking love you.